Heaven Read online

  “What?” I pulled away from him, blinking in shock, feeling the pain in my chest that had receded for a few moments flare up again, more acute than ever. “Then what are you doing here?”

  “I can’t just take you with me,” he said in a low voice, speaking rapidly, as if he knew we didn’t have much time. “But I came to tell you there are people who can help.”

  “Who? Like Eve?”

  “Bethany, it’s obvious you don’t belong here anymore. There are people who understand. You have to find them.”

  “Where?” I asked desperately. “Where are they?”

  “Think,” Gabriel pressed. “Allies come in all shapes and sizes.” My mind was too fuzzy to work out what Gabriel was trying to communicate.

  “Can’t you just tell me?”

  “I just want you to get well.”

  He cast his silver penetrating eyes around the room and I understood the message. He didn’t know who might be listening.

  “So what should I do now?”

  “Play the game,” he murmured. “Just play smart.”

  “What does that mean?” I pressed.

  “You’re doing a pretty good job of acting like a head case,” Gabriel said. “Sudden changes make people nervous. I’m sure you understand.”

  It took me a moment, but I worked it out. I had to keep acting crazy so they wouldn’t suspect anything.

  I nodded. “How’s Xavier doing? Is he okay?”

  Gabriel cast his eyes toward the ceiling. “He’s coping.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “He’s coping about as well as you are.”

  “Tell him I love him so much,” I said. “Tell him I never stop thinking about him.”

  “If you really think that’s going to help…”

  Before I could ask any further questions, a brilliant iridescent corridor materialized in the wall and Eve burst through, followed by a posse of bodyguards. Gabriel’s lip curled in a smile.

  “We both know you can’t arrest me, Eve,” he said. “Let’s drop the pretense.”

  I liked the way he treated her as if she was as inconsequential as a cloud. I could tell it really got on her nerves.

  “Maybe not.” Eve puffed herself up like a blowfish. “But I can report you.”

  “You do that,” Gabriel said dismissively. “I’m leaving anyway.”

  “What did you want?” Eve asked, looking at me suspiciously.

  “I wanted to make sure she was all right,” Gabriel said, as if it should be perfectly obvious. “Which she isn’t, which means you’re not doing your job properly.”

  Eve had no idea that Gabriel was playing her. “I’m doing my best,” she said. “It isn’t easy.”

  “Well, try harder,” Gabriel said. “She’s a mess. And it’s your job on the line.” He turned to me. “I’m sorry I can’t help you more, Beth.”

  He raised an eyebrow indicating it was my cue, time to test out my skills as an actor. I hesitated for a moment, trying to work out the best response. Then I fell to the ground at Gabriel’s feet and grabbed hold of his ankles.

  “Don’t leave,” I cried. “Please don’t leave me here.”

  I was grateful that my hair fell in a curtain, covering my face. I wasn’t sure I could quite twist my features into a mask of distress when Gabriel had just given me hope.

  “You see?” he said to Eve. “You need to fix this.”

  He disentangled himself from my grasp and took a few steps back. “Take care of yourself, Bethany,” he said. “And remember who your friends are.”

  “She isn’t my friend,” I said, glaring at Eve and pretending I thought that’s who Gabriel was referring to. I only wished I knew who he was referring to.

  “God’s wisdom is infinite, Bethany. Trust His judgment.”

  Gabriel gave me a small smile and then he was gone. Eve dismissed the bodyguards and regarded me carefully with her squinty eyes.

  “Did it help to see him?”

  “No. He’s going back to earth and I’m not.”

  “Which puts you in the better position,” Eve said.

  “Will you go away? I’ve had enough of your crap for one day.”

  “Well, that’s honest if nothing else,” she replied. I wondered if there was anything she couldn’t put a positive spin on.

  “You might as well quit now,” I said bitterly. “I’m never going to like you.”

  Eve raised her eyebrows before walking off haughtily down the shimmering corridor. It sealed shut behind her.

  I thought over what Gabriel had said. Allies come in all shapes and sizes. Did that mean I needed to think outside the box? Someone who I might not necessarily look to for help? But who in Heaven was on my side? It wasn’t like I had any friends. Angels didn’t exactly hang out in cliques. Of course there was Michael, but he was a poster child for playing by the rules. There was Raphael, but last I knew he was somewhere on earth overseeing business of his own. I didn’t know how to summon him even if I wanted to. It required powerful magic to call upon an angel, you could always pray to them but millions of prayers were sent up every minute. Every angel had a list a mile long. And besides, the Archs didn’t deal with prayers, that was a job for the lower-order angels—almost like working in a post office, sorting through the prayers and laying them out in order of priority. Like posting a letter via express, there was priority-prayer. I considered trying to reach Raphael that way, but somehow I didn’t think that was what Gabriel meant. Whomever he was thinking of was already here.

  Nobody in Heaven understood how I felt. Nobody had ever fallen so deeply in love with a mortal; no one empathized with our situation. But as I thought about who in Heaven might be able to relate to our plight, to the pain of our separation, it hit me. Emily.

  Xavier’s first girlfriend, the first person he ever made love to, ever felt a duty to protect. She had been with him at Bryce Hamilton long before I ever showed up. They had known each other since they were born, everybody in Venus Cove did. They’d thought they would end up married. And then she had burned alive in her bed, murdered by demons, though nobody knew it at the time. She had been separated from him against her will, just like me. But would she want to help us now? Could her soul still harbor feelings for him? Maybe she was glad we were finally torn apart.

  There was only one way to find out.

  Though it was difficult to summon another angel, I had the ability to reach a soul in my mind. There were millions of them in the Kingdom and we weren’t expected to sift through every one until we found the person we were looking for. But I had to focus; I was out of practice and it had been awhile since I’d tried this. I closed my eyes and let my mind reach outside my white prison and into the vastness of Heaven. I could feel the energy of souls swirling through my head. Of course, I couldn’t see what they saw. Each soul lived in their own personal Heaven. They were side by side, but the Kingdom allowed them access to happy memories from their past or a favorite place they liked to visit as a child. I was told there were a lot of tranquil gardens and beaches, but everyone was different. There was one man whose Heaven was the inside of his closet. He used to hide in there as a child when things got too much and it had always remained his safe place. And so that’s what his soul conjured. The angels thought it was a little strange, but it wasn’t our place to judge anyone.

  “Emily,” I spoke her name so softly it was barely audible. “Emily, I need your help.”

  I repeated her name again and again. As my mind became sharper and more focused, the white room began to fall apart and the rainbow passageways opened before me. I traveled through them without moving, like I was being sucked into a beautiful whirlpool of color and when I came out the other end … I was in Xavier’s bedroom.

  At first I was confused and the emotion hit me harder than a speeding train. Then I saw the girl sitting cross-legged on the bed and realized … this was Emily’s Heaven. Xavier’s room looked different, sports gear was strewn across the floor and there was a bo
x of Mike and Ike candy spilled across his desk. The photos on the shelves were different too—they showed the ninth-grade swim team and a group of friends I didn’t recognize—Xavier and Emily were among them. At first I couldn’t see him, until I spotted him sandwiched between a girl with braids and a boy wearing a backward baseball cap. I wasn’t sure, but the boy looked like a younger version of his friend Wesley. As for Xavier, I’d almost missed him in the picture. His hair was lighter and cut short—not flopping over his forehead the way it did now. He wasn’t as physically built, he was slender and more boyish looking. Were those braces on his teeth? He was still beautiful, but he looked like a child, so different from the man he’d become.

  The whole scene was so surprising to me. I was standing in a room that belonged to a kid. But it was only four years ago. How much had changed in that short time? I stared at the faces in the picture—you could tell they had no worries in the world. They were good, wholesome kids who went to the movies and rode their bikes to each other’s houses.

  “I guess that’s not how you remember him, huh?”

  Even though I was the one who’d invaded her Heaven, I jumped when Emily addressed me and turned to look at her. I’d only ever seen faded photographs in old school pictures. Xavier had gotten rid of all the ones he had—or put them someplace where he wouldn’t have to look at them. Emily was not what I expected, though I wasn’t really sure what I’d been expecting. She was small with fine blond hair and brown eyes. Her nose was slightly upturned and her eyebrows were arched, which made her appear judgmental.

  She wore an oversized black hoodie and jeans and was sitting in the middle of Xavier’s bed, holding a stuffed teddy bear.

  “Hey,” I said, feeling suddenly awkward. “I’m…”

  “I know who you are,” Emily cut in.

  “Right.” I bit my lip. “And I bet you’re not thrilled to see me.”

  “Yeah, I’m kind of pissed at you.” She nodded and leaned back against the pillows.

  “Okay,” I said. “I realize nobody likes the new girl.”

  “It’s not that.” Emily frowned at me. “He was going to get a new girlfriend and get married eventually. I expected him to, I wanted him to.”

  “But?”

  “But you really messed him up,” she said, knitting her eyebrows together. I noticed her nails were bitten down into little stumps. “He was going to go to med school, he was supposed to meet a nice girl, get married, and have the whole white-picket-fence deal.”

  “I know” was all I could say. Everything she said was true.

  “You dragged him into a mess he’ll never get out of,” she said, brushing away the strands of blond hair that fell into her eyes. “You don’t know how much he did for me. He started looking after me when we were fourteen.”

  “He never told me much about it,” I murmured. “He wouldn’t really talk about you … not with me at least.”

  “He’s a boy.” Emily shrugged. “They repress their feelings.”

  “Why did Xavier need to look after you?” I asked.

  “My dad took off when I was two,” Emily said. “Then in ninth grade my mom lost her job and pretty much fell apart and my big sister started getting into drugs. I didn’t have anything good in my life except Xavier. And after I died, I didn’t want that for him anymore. He’d already played his part. He’d rescued the girl with all the crap to sort out. The next relationship was supposed to be different, it was supposed to be normal.”

  “Emily, I know I’m the farthest thing from normal,” I said. “And maybe I was selfish for ever letting this happen, but I didn’t know how far things would go. If I knew what I was signing him up for, I would have left him alone. But you have to understand that I love him too.”

  “I don’t care how you feel,” Emily said. “But I do care how he feels. And lucky for you, he loves you too. I’m still mad at you, but I don’t want to see him lose someone else. He’s lost enough, don’t you think?”

  “Are you saying you’ll help me?”

  “I’m saying I’ll help him,” she corrected. “And if that means helping you, then so be it.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “And Emily?”

  “Yeah?” She glanced up.

  “I’m sorry about what happened to you. It wasn’t fair. He’s dead now … the demon who killed you. I don’t know if that helps at all, but my brother killed him.”

  “Yeah.” Emily looked down at her bitten fingers. “It’s all part of the plan, right?”

  “No,” I shook my head. “That was never part of God’s plan for you. The demons interfered because that’s what they do. But your story wasn’t supposed to end that way.”

  “It’s okay,” Emily said, sighing. “I’m not angry anymore. I was for a while but there was no point. It’s just hard … not being able to talk to your family. And then you realize that life goes on without you.”

  “Life goes on, but people don’t forget,” I told her. “You haven’t been forgotten, Emily.”

  “You’re wrong,” she told me, her wide eyes full of sadness. “People let go … they have to, it’s the only way they can keep going. I hope you make it back … before Xavier lets go of you.”

  30

  Zach

  IT turned out Emily had an idea.

  “You have to go and see Zach,” she said with a smile, clearly pleased with herself.

  “Zach?”

  “That’s right.”

  My mind flashed back to the angel I used to know, the one who guided children as they transitioned into the Kingdom. I’d thought I’d never see him again since his change of career path.

  I frowned. “But Zach’s a Seven.”

  “Not anymore,” she said. “He quit when they started going after you.”

  “Seriously? He left his job because of me?”

  “He was never cut out for that lifestyle. Zach’s a guardian, he always has been.”

  “How do you know that?” I asked curiously.

  “Because he’s my guardian,” Emily replied smugly. “They sent him back to work with the children. He helped me with my transition when I first got here.”

  “But you were sixteen,” I said. “That’s hardly a child.”

  “I had a difficult time adjusting,” Emily said. “So they assigned him to help me out. And it worked. Zach made a big difference, until he signed up to the Sevens. Nobody thought it was a good idea. But he’s back now.”

  “And you know where to find him?”

  “Of course,” she said like it was obvious. “I’ve got him on speed dial.”

  Emily was by my side in the time it took me to blink. She grabbed my hand and her fingers felt cool and fragile, as if they were made of glass as they closed around mine. I heard her whispering under her breath and a moment later, the bedroom began to dissolve. Xavier’s bed with its dark blue duvet, his desk, and the football lying by the door all began to blur at the edges. I held on tight to Emily’s hand—the whole thing made me feel a little motion sick. As the room continued to fall apart, with items vanishing into thin air, the same multicolored passageways Eve had used began to open around us, light reflecting from every angle. Emily seemed to know exactly where she was going and we drifted forward, letting the rainbow corridors swallow us up.

  * * *

  WHEN I opened my eyes, I was standing in a garden. I looked down to make sure I’d made it in one piece and found my arms and legs streaked with the colors of the rainbow.

  “It washes off,” Emily told me, dusting her hands over her thighs. They came away covered in colorful powder and she blew it into the wind.

  As my dizziness cleared, I looked around to see a glittering lake stretching before us and rows of tall trees disappearing into the clouds. The air was warm and full of birdsong. I spotted Zach sitting a small distance from us, cross-legged on the ground among a circle of children. He looked just the same as I remembered, slight in build with dark hair and an olive complexion. His eyes were a sparkling shade
of green and always had a mischievous glint, like he knew something you didn’t. He had an upturned nose and a cheeky smile—he was essentially Heaven’s version of the Pied Piper. It was what made children drawn to him. Why he ever wanted to join the Sevens was beyond me.

  When he glanced up and caught my eye, he excused himself from the group. The children made mild noises of protest, unwilling to share their leader. A white cobbled path unfurled before him as he strolled barefoot up to where we stood.

  “Lookin’ good Emily.” He winked at her. “Hello, Beth. It’s been awhile.”

  “It has,” I agreed. “Good to see nothing’s changed.”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” Zach replied. “But everything always ends up back where it belongs.”

  “You really left the Sevens?” I asked. “I didn’t even know you could do that. I thought it was a life sentence.”

  Zach looked around with an easy shrug. “I missed the children. The military wasn’t my scene.”

  “Why did you ever join?”

  He fixed me with his emerald stare. “Oh, you know, I was drunk, made a bad decision.” Emily giggled, clearly impressed with anything that came out of Zach’s mouth. “Call it a journey of self-discovery,” he continued. “I needed to work out where I belonged. I had a moment of doubt, if you will.”

  “But he’s back with us now.” Emily hugged him.

  Zach laughed and ruffled her hair. “She’s special, this one. So…” Zach studied me. “I figure you didn’t stop by just to chat?”

  “We need your help,” Emily said, before I could answer. “It was my idea.”

  She really did sound like a kid, gunning for approval. It wasn’t her fault. She was an eternal child; her soul was only as wise as her sixteen earthly years had allowed.

  “Hmmm…” Zach pressed his fingers together under his chin. “And how may I be of assistance?”

  “Beth wants to go home,” Emily told him.

  “Does she now?” Zach raised an eyebrow at me. “I figured it was something like that. But what makes you think I have the power to zap you back?”